An American Cowgirl in Korea

Note to reader: This post may seem like a daunting undertaking. You may feel compelled to skim, and perhaps at times skip entire paragraphs. But I preface this post with a disclaimer. This is perhaps the most wild adventure I have been on thus far. Wild in ways I thought implausible. I thoroughly encourage a complete reading. Then you will truly have a better understanding of the mayhem this country provides for me every single day. At times, graphic, I apologize in advance for the depictions of pony fighting. sorry mom and dad.


Koreans are super productive, at all hours of the day I might add. I arrive home around 10 pm expecting a low key evening of movies and snacks. Soyeon started to mention going out and I assumed she was intending on hitting up the family mart for some snack action before our movie. Why I would assume such a thing, I have no clue. No no, At 10 pm, Soyeon,Sungmi and I would take suwan to the park to teach him how to ride a two wheeler. I was skeptical of this outing for a variety of reasons. Needless to say individuals going to parks in the later evening in the U.S. are usually not learning how to ride bikes. Not to mention the lighting factor-doesn't it seem a tad bit unsafe to teach a young child how to navigate a transportation device in the dark? Yea I thought so too. Nonetheless I defer to the locals and head out. Well, back to the productivity comment, there was a full out serious soccer match being held at the stadium and the power walking agumas were out in full force. We hit up the exercise equipment stations and most of the machines were occupied. I mean why not hit up the outdoor gym at 10 if time permits. I challenged both Suwan and Sungmi to a sit up contest and my counting in Korean attracted quite a crowd to watch. Thank you TKD. Fortunately I was victorious in both competitions-which lead to a free ice cream later! After a little bike riding, and yes it is incredibly hard to teach a child to ride a bike when they don't speak your language, suwan and I scaled the climbing wall for a bit. Hey swing sets, work out equipment, climbing walls and bikes are all winning activities in my opinion. What a night!

So onto the weekend:

When you go on a scavenger hunt, it is customary to know of the locations to which you will scavenge. I on the other hand, planned one with no clue where we were going or exactly what we would see. Although it had potential for adventure, it just became humorous. We saw some classic jeju tourist spots; places I felt inclined to see being a foreigner, but places I might otherwise not get to. I figured a scavenger hunt was a fun way to knock a few off the list. Productive yes. Amazing, absolutely not. I will do better next time* I promise! As we attempted to find our destination we got off track by a bridge and secluded coves. We bounced our way over the suspension bridge when I quickly realized this was actually the final destination in our scavenger hunt. See what I mean about no knowing where or what you are going to see? Nonetheless, the area was amazing and I can't wait to hit it up in for a picnic some crisp fall evening. Then we hit up dragon head rock, considered the symbol of jeju. We climbed around and watched ajumas cook food on the water at their makeshift restaurant. One must question the sanitation aspect of such a restaurant. Do they regulate such a location, or is it assumed that patrons should be aware of risks associated with eating on plastic stools on rocks in the ocean with food prepared without any cooking materials and or basic cooking utensils? That, and the issue of taxation on such an establishment. Do they pay rent for the rocks? Is their restaurant taxed or is under the table completely? I will figure out the logistics of opening up a restaurant on the ocean in tiny crevices!
Following Dragon head adventures, we hit up this art garden. This garden narrated a story of an old Korean man and his wife and their trials and tribulations navigating the dualities of realism versus idealism. Poignant really; especially the medium-bark and rock. Needless to say my outlook on life has changed. I think we should have gone to the other art museum..perhaps another day. Then came love land. Oh love land. Where to begin? One could approach it from a social commentary standpoint, but I think I will let the pictures do most of the narration.

Loveland is a Jeju attraction for newlyweds.








It is nothing more than provocative* statues. I asterisked provocative because it was more like a disneyland for sex. Unlike the sex culture museum with captivating cultural artifacts, loveland consisted of big statues of naked people, that's about it. Quantity with no substance. I was appalled by the hetero normative elements in all of the work, unfortunately I have become accustomed to such an outlook here in Korea.


DVD bangs (room to watch DVDs with friends-highly popular in Korea), amazing thrift sales, cheesy pork rice, foreigner bars, brisk unintentional jaunts through the red light district, cheap champagne and motels rounded out the evening for this crew. Oh Jeju all you offer us!

***********WILD TALES REALLY START NOW********************

My family invited the gang of 4 plus Alex and Rafiq to a day at the racetrack. Perfect I thought, everyone can meet each other and I can introduce my friends to the wonders of betting. Prior to arriving, I knew 3 things about the event. There would be betting, a rodeo, and pony fighting. Specifics were scarce and I prefaced the days events with a "i have no clue what's in store for us folks hope you enjoy!" But, in my opinion, you can hardly go wrong with the above three events. I was beyond accurate in that train of thinking. We started off the day in the VIP foreigner betting section.
I am constantly amazed at the treatment we receive. Being the only white waygook, we had translators explaining the betting process and all other aspects of the sport. What they failed to realize was that we were hardly high rollers. Our bets never exceeded 10 dollars. in fact I won most of my money on 2 dollar bets.

They photographed us betting so that they could advertise the international patronage. Since Jeju aspires to be an international tourist destination, we are in high demand for marketing. Now mom, before you go thinking I am going to be lured away and fall into a life of sex trafficking here me out. We are compensated nicely. For our cooperation, ultimately for having fun betting and a willingness to smile and say kimchi, we were rewarded with a treasure map. So let's recalculate: we now have, rodeos, pony fighting, betting and a treasure hunt. Should we win, iur treasure hunt prizes totaled over 10,000 US dollars. Needless to say we were up for the adventure because after all, who isn't always up for a treasure hunt. The odds were looking good. The staff rigged the event so we would win. Kate and I came out winning 50$ each and Emerald won a Korean size towel while Julienne won a box of chocolate-she is thrilled at the prospects of re-gifting for chusok. Side note-re gifting is not only culturally acceptable, it is expected. I love the lack of pressure with regards to gift giving.
I won all of my first three bets and came out on top with a bonus treasure hunt 50 $ prize. We headed outside with the expectations of finding more booty. Much more competition made the stakes higher and we quickly realized the treasure had been discovered by those quicker to the ball. But we just couldn't bare to separate ourselves from the exciting foreigner betting room with the comfy chairs. Guess you have to be willing to compromise somewhere. Alex and Rafiq were slow to give up the quest for treasure and we would occasionally see them looking under items long after.

I KNOW IT'S GETTING LONG BUT DON'T GIVE UP YET! My host mom walked us over to a field with horses. Wahoo, the rodeo I thought to myself. Things are about to get good. I kept thinking about how fantastic a Korean rodeo would be! Still on a high from winning 50$ and my 3 winning bets, I was ready for action. Just then, my host mom summons rafiq to go with some men. Things happen quickly here in Korea. You see, people just make plans for you in Korean and you have follow along and figure out what you are doing afterwards. What Rafiq was sent to do was to be in the rodeo. Everyone was so excited to see and hear that rafiq was from Chicago. The announcer in a korean accent just kept repeating "CHEECAGOOO CHEECAGOOOO!" Naturally Rafiq's name was too complicated to pronounce but oddly enough his name was reduced to pickle. Unclear as to how they got pickle from Rafiq. But rule #2 in Korea, sometimes it's easier not to ask. Rafiq's bout with the tame pony proved unsuccessful and all of a sudden I was summoned to the ring. That's right folks I became a cowgirl for real today. A dream in the making for years, I finally got to play the role of a tom Robbins character. In a setting nonetheless I could even see Dr. Robbins himself depicting. So the name Lauryn also challenged the English pronunciation skills of the commentator and so to let you all know, my korean show name is lion. Renders fond memories of Lauryn the Lion McCarthy production films circa 1996. Those were classics. Alas I digress, I enter the ring with my lasso in hand...yeehaw, I start twirling it around.
Now I was with the tamest some might call it the lamest pony you could ever imagine. Bordering embarrassing to tell you the truth, but I was an American cowgirl in a korean rodeo, surreal i tell you. I can't believe how hard it is to lasso a pony, I couldn't imagine working with a feisty guy. I also was unaware that you are never supposed to stand behind a horse. Apparently they can kick you and do quite the damage. Aren't these things you are made aware of prior to entering a rodeo? Perhaps, and perhaps I was informed of such information and amidst a wild langauge barrier it was lost. So after a few attempts and a few close calls with the horse's hind legs, I was successful and ran out of the ring with my hands clenched in the air claiming a victory.
All at once the money came and the knowledge that I was just on national television lasso-ing the little guy in the ring settled in. That's right, 20 more dollars and national acclaim as an American cowgirl.

Here's the point where most readers would naturally think, what else could happen that's crazier than that...well then I ate the horse. No literally, we proceeded to eat some horse. So I ask you this, who goes to a racetrack and a horse festival? I would beg to argue, and this is a wild guess, but horse enthusiasts? So now at said racetrack, why would horse enthusiasts want to eat the horse? Is it not ironic to eat horses at the...horse racetrack? Just wondering. It was quite tasty. Taking enthusiasm to a new extreme: all the way to gluttonous behavior.

Then came the pony fighting. OH MY GOD, the pony fighting. Words can not describe pony fighting. Have you ever experienced ponies going at it with one another? I had no clue what was in store for us. Here's a quick rundown. Three ponies enter the ring. I was confused how three ponies fought one another, but quickly realized that one was the bait. Two male ponies fought over the majestic female pony. She was the incentive and the prize. The winner got to, with lack of a better term, have their way with the female pony....in front of the audience. I thought I was going to see some pony fighting, not pony sex. Well folks it's a two for one deal here at the jeju racetrack. A graphic one at that. I mean X rated pornographic. Hung like a horse had an entirely new meaning. I think the pictures speak for themselves.



So many innocent children in the audience, hell so many innocent 23 year olds from America in the audience, permanently scared for life. We just needed to get back to the betting room. We arrived with 2 races left. Betting like a baller, I put down the big money this time around. A whole 10 dollar bill. At this point I would still come out on top. Things were lookin good. I won my last race and had an overall financially successful day at the tracks once again. I wish I could say that much for the rest of the crew, who were not as successful.

While cashing out, Soyeon came running up to me telling me I had the opportunity to sing at a concert. A cowgirl by day kasu (Rockstar) by night. The lifestyle sounded appealing, but reality quickly settled in. She thought it would be great practice for a recital I am singing at in December. Minor detail, the practice for the little recital I will perform in was to be televised nationally. I had no clue what was going on. I felt bad saying no, but I was in no state musically to perform on tv. Hell I haven't been to noribang in a week. She seemed utterly disappointed and I wondered if I had committed a big cultural faux pas. I thought I was off the hook. We walked to the concert and sat chuckling in the audience. Kate and I briefly contemplated a revival of our talent show skit, but found out we really were off the hook. That is, until the MC, whom none of us had ever seen before, all of a sudden beckoned to Lion and Pickle. All cameras and spotlights focused on us. The 6 megook in the audience. How did this man know the story of lion and pickle?
Had the news traveled about my feat with the pony at the rodeo? What was he bantering on about in Korean? Apparently they wanted us on stage for an interview and a group performance. What would we sing to a live korean band? What music could transcend national boundaries? The perfectionist in me, all of my neuroses came out full force. We would not go on stage without a well rehearsed performance. Well folks, on MBC saturday you can check out the performance. An interview where we successfully communicated basic information in Korean would make Ms. Shim proud.

*me looking wildly insane during the interview portion. And, a stellar performance of My Girl by the temptations rocked the audience. There were some sidestep moves but unfortunately jazz squares were absent. We better hit up the noribang and prepare some material. It's only September and we have already done a Korean T.V. Commerical and a MBC horse show special. If i ever wanted to pursue equity status in the U.S. do you think these endeavors would have standing? AND then here's the clincher....we won a car!



















yea, unfortunately the only outrageous thing that did not happen today was winning the grand prize in the raffle. Still pretty good if you ask me. While I write this, my host dad is vomitting from drinking too much, oh Korea. Where am I?