have some more rice

It was bound to happen at some point during my stay in Korea. I thought it would be a frequent occurrence at that. I also knew I should have gone to the gym today. Now I don't know whether to be happy that my host aunt told me I was getting fat or not. In one sense,one odd sense, I appreciate her brutal honesty. It is a sign that she feels comfortable enough to be brutally honest. Hell she pinches Sungmi, my insanely small cousin, and tells her she needs to loose weight all the time. Rarely in my life has anyone come flat out and said what needed to be said especially regarding weight. But I don't understand the conflicting messages that I am so often told. I am constantly told to have two bowls of rice, to which I frequently decline unless forced upon me; typically by said aunt. For such a health conscious society they sure do love starch and carbs. My body is also a regular topic of conversation at dinner. We have talked about it in reference to trips to the jinjibang, and the fact that I have "s line." We also talk about my breasts. What fun family conversation. Don't you wish you did this with strangers more often? Then out of nowhere, the dreaded dundunheyo comment emerged. Translated thanks to my host dad in the midst of a serious conversation regarding the recent nuclear tests performed by N. korea. "Lauryn she says you have gotten fat since chusok." I smiled and said "yea diet" while in my head I was thinking "bitch, why did you just offer me more rice then?" Was this banter for the sake of making conversation? I mean I putter around with iphotobooth enough, i don't think I look any different- although perhaps that's only wishful thinking. So here it is, an open response to my aunt

Dear Aunt of whom I actually don't know your name because that's not how we roll,

Thank you for informing me of my recent weight gain. I have never been so fortunate as to have a brutally honest individual willing to pull down my confidence in a society where I already feel obese for not having a size 23 waist. Which, might i add is sick and unhealthy looking, even on a korean girl. For that I thank you. But I must beg of you this one request. If you think I am dundunhayo, Don't feed me so god damn much. The majority of this supposed weight gain, is your own damn fault. Don't force me to eat more rice. Don't force upon me salty fish snacks that I don't want to eat even when I am hungry. They are vulgar smelling and make me bulimic by default. My gag reflex has never gotten such a workout. That with the combination of kimchi is going to give me such bad acid reflux, envisioning my esophagus is a nightmare. I eat 1/2 of the food I eat, not because I am hungry. No, it's to appease you and make you feel good about yourself. look where it get's me? At least your observation was a kick in the ass to get my ass to the gym.
yours truly

lauryn mccarthy